tearingdownthatfence:

Go home biphobia! YOU SUCK!: I am probably gonna regret this but fucking christ

bidyke:

dreadful-record-of-sin:

I understand that some bisexuals identify their sexuality as “attracted to both people who are and are not my gender”. That is fine and a 100% valid definition and I absolutely support that. It is a good definition.

I also understand that some pansexuals outright…

I’m actually with OP on this one. While I do think there’s a HUGE problem with scapegoating bi people for transphobia and cissexism, we can’t use that to avoid discussing existing transphboia and cissexism in bi communities. I wrote a post about this once, but unsurprisingly, it didn’t get around that much. I also dedicated about 10 pages to this in my book.

I also have to say that I do think there’s a problem with cis people not being attracted to trans* and non-binary people. Here’s what I wrote about this in the post I linked above:

I don’t think that being attracted only to cis men and women is overtly/deliberately transphobic and evil. I don’t think that such people intend to hurt anyone or to practice cis privilege on anyone’s back. However and notwithstanding, I do find that this tendency resonates with cissexist social standards.

People often like to think about attraction as a non-political, inborn, pure, uncontrollable quality which is somehow a given, but in most cases this is not so. More often than not, our attractions are shaped by social standards of beauty and attractiveness – of who/what is “allowed” to be considered attractive, and who/what is not. These standards of beauty are of course deeply political as they are shaped by dominant social beliefs and structures: to name just a few, white people are considered more attractive than people of color, thin people more than fat people, nondisabled people more than disabled people – and cisgender people more than transgender/genderqueer people. In Read My Lips, Riki Wilchins argues that the reason why transgender people are considered unattractive is that their/our bodies are unintelligible in terms of sexual attraction, to a culture which constructs its sexuality upon cisgender bodies. In order to be considered attractive, one must possess a body that “matches” their gender identity. This means that cisgender bodies are structurally privileged in terms of sexuality and sexual attraction – and we know what structural privileging of cisgender identity is called (that’s rights, cissexism).

Lisa Millbank of A Radical TransFeminist wrote very eloquently about how people need to challenge themselves in terms of sexual attraction to include people of marginalized groups, whom society teaches us to find unattractive: Significant Othering: Attraction Down The Privilege Gradient. I advise anyone to whom it may concern, to read this and reflect upon the contents.

tearingdownthatfence:

Go home biphobia! YOU SUCK!: cybernotter: gohomebiphobia: rainbowbreathingbisexual:…

bidyke:

cybernotter:

gohomebiphobia:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

queenlisasimpson:

Coming soon to a text post near you!: backupandround: queenlisasimpson: hello bisexual and otherwise…

toiletdemon:

backupandround:

queenlisasimpson:

hello bisexual and otherwise non-monosexual women.

if lesbians do not want to date you that is not oppression.

No, it’s not. What it is, however, is kind of douchey, if the only reason they don’t want to date us is because we’re bi*. That…

All of the above apart from OP’s blah-blahing

It really is your loss. Also thanks for contributing to the ongoing image of us as empty-headed fucktoys that are okay to sleep with if you’re drunk enough and haven’t gotten with a ‘real lesbian’ at the bar, but completely unsuitable for actually interacting with or treating like human beings

Then you wonder why so many of us haven’t had actual relationships with women and accuse us of faking because of this, like how do we make you comfortable with our existence? Or, to be honest, why the fuck should we, seeing as you don’t seem to care about whether we feel welcome or even human in your ~*Glorious Real Gold Star Lesbian*~ presence

Ding dong I am bisexual so well done.

You’re response is beyond gross and it’s almost in Nice Guy territory. What I was saying is that 

1. Though people in the gay community might buy into bi stereotypes, they are not our oppressors

2. Bisexuals need to sort out our priorities. Combat the stereotypes themselves rather than the outcome.

Dating isn’t the be all and end all of the LGBTQ community. I’ve never understood the focus on “[x] won’t date me because I’m bisexual” when we have so many other issues at hand like the actual stereotypes.

The OP’s point is valid and I feel like a lot has been pulled out from the original post. “If lesbians do not want to date you that is not oppression.” Doesn’t mean biphobia so I don’t know what I’ve missed.

I can understand the response to OP, but I also understand OP. And I do agree that the responses to OP reek of Nice Guy.

The problem though, is I’ve never seen a lesbian or gay man give a reason for not dating bisexuals that isn’t biphobic. It’s usually based off of an assumption that we will cheat on them or leave them for a het paired relationship, or that we are super slutty, not worth dating, attention whores, etc.

No, it’s not oppression, but usually the refusal to date bi women is fueled by biphobia, and is also accompanied by exclusion of bi women from queer spaces. 

I feel the need to differentiate between “lesbians not dating you, a bi/multisexual woman” vs “lesbians refusing to date bi/multisexual women.” I’m not sure which the OP meant, though I assume all the responses have discussed the latter interpretation.

I understand the OP’s point, but if it’s the second interpretation, I feel it’s a little misguided. (If it’s the first, I apologize that you’ve been so misunderstood! But perhaps this will clarify the reaction.) I’ve heard a lot of bisexual people talking about bisexual stereotypes, one of which is the whole “bisexual women are colluding with the patriarchy by fucking men while also fulfilling their lesbian fantasies/bisexual women will always have more authentic relationships with men than with women/bisexual women are trying to attract men/bisexual women are sexually available to men/bisexual means dtf/bisexuals will cheat/bisexuals can’t ‘settle’ or ‘pick one’/bisexuals are no good for long-term relationships” can of worms.

I often hear bisexual people talking about this idea; how it leads to tangible physical harm like sexual assault; how it’s promoted by media portrayals of bisexuals and by prominent gay figures in the GLbt community; how it can be hard to find queer community due to lesbian and gay people who believe bisexuals don’t belong in their space (which generally includes hostility to bisexuals in gay bars, lack of services for bisexuals offered by GLbt organizations, referring to bisexuals as allies, and yes, refusing to date bisexuals due to their bisexual orientation, among other things); and various other issues.

A recent post by a-little-bi-furious discusses Tumblr backlash against bisexuals as a way to keep people distracted from some of the very serious information about bisexual oppression that’s recently come to light. I absolutely do not believe that was the intent of the OP, but in an environment where otherwise accurate posts will distort truths or avoid inconvenient truths, anything with the intent of shutting up bisexuals appears suspicious.

*I do not doubt that there are bisexual women who feel entitled to relationships with lesbians. However, the OP comes across as addressing “bisexual women,” rather than these bisexual women, which is where the problem lies, since bisexual people are being routinely criticized for discussing serious issues by having those issues reduced to the simplest, most trivial aspects of the problem.

Awesome commentary. I bolded the most important parts.

I need to reiterate cybernotter’s point, that the phenomenon of lesbians refusing to date bisexuals is not the end all of harm caused to bisexuals by way of biphobia: it’s the visible end result of much broader oppression. It reflects wide negative attitudes and treatment against bi people, and it causes real harm. I have indeed read cases in which bisexual women were sexually assaulted or raped by lesbian partners as a direct result of biphobia. We also all know about the extreme social isolation that bi people need to contend with, which I believe is a major cause of bisexual depression and suicidality (which, lest we forget, bisexuals suffer from in much higher levels than straight and gay/lesbian people).

Presenting this fact as if this is the worse thing that has ever happened to someone on the grounds of biphobia is simply insulting to all those who have been assaulted, raped, felt isolated and depressed, or committed suicide.

It also makes it out as though gay and lesbian communities are the main source of biphobia and monosexism, which in turn makes the problem of biphobia/monosexism appear anecdotal at best. If biphobia and monosexism really were nothing but an inner-community problem, that would certainly have reduced from the importance/priority of bisexual issues - after all, these types of inconvenience pale in comparison with the real, material oppression of many lesbian, gay and trans* people. But this is not the world we live in. In the world we live in, inner-LGBT communities’ negative attitudes is a reflection of a much broader type of oppression, which is largely performed and perpetuated by straight society.

Talking about biphobia/monosexism as if they were only performed by gay and lesbian people:

1. Scapegoats gays and lesbians for all oppression of bi people.
   
2. Minimizes and trivializes our oppression.
   

wordstomeawhisper:

i’m not sure i have the words to describe how much i despise the phrase “gold star lesbian” and anyone who subscribes to that kind of ideology

Read More

I agree. I tried to ignore it in the Lesbian’s watching lesbian porn video ( they mention gold star) cuz not my place. But I honestly hate it.

pareia:

ultraleftist:

Q: What’s the difference between a heterosexual and a het-partnered bi?

A: Trick question, there is no difference.

There is a difference. A bisexual person in a heterosexual relationship is still bisexual. Bisexuals do not turn straight or gay when they enter a monogamous relationship.

And yes, if a bi person is in a hetero relationship, they will attain straight passing privilege and be (incorrectly) seen as heterosexual by people who do not know their true sexual orientation. There’s no denial of that fact.

However, a bi person does not all of a sudden have their same sex desires and experiences rendered obsolete when they enter a hetero relationship. All of the homophobia, heterosexism, and negativity they’ve ever experienced for their sexuality still matters and will always matter. Not to mention that a straight person will never have to come out to their different sex partner, while a bisexual person will have to make the tough decision of either hiding a part of themselves from their partner or coming out to them. The possible repercussions of coming out as bisexual in a hetero relationship can be painful. Bisexual women in particular are vulnerable to cases of domestic and sexual violence when they are partnered with straight men. And don’t even get me started on the disgusting amount of homophobia straight women direct towards bisexual men.

Seeing posts like yours makes me wonder: everything a bi person has endured through does not matter anymore when they enter a heterosexual relationship? Any activism or work they’ve done for lgbt people is considered meaningless or on the same level of a straight ally?

As I’ve said, I know that there are many privileges that come with being in a heterosexual relationship. I will never disclaim that. Bisexuals do have to be aware of this. But if that was the intention of your post, you’ve made it poorly; it reads more as if you’re claiming that bisexuals in heterosexual relationships might as well be heterosexual and do not count anymore as a part of the lgbt community.